Sunday, 13 November 2011

Poppies, football and the Great British public

Lest we forget
This year our remembrance of the fallen was taken down a very torrid path. It was influenced by populist politics, sensationalist journalism and an unfavourable British public.

Poppy day as it is now known, is a fundraiser for the Royal British Legion, a charity that does excellent work with ex-servicemen and women but this year they took their brand to a level where some now feel a certain amount of resentment for them.

People were trolling the internet sending abuse to people who didn’t have a poppy avatar on their twitter and facebook profile pictures. The internet was full of people using the event to promote their nationalist views and quite frankly, they are not welcome.

The two world wars touched the lives of everybody in the country and their effects still ring around our generation. The wars and our fairly new found ability to travel the world means that we have to carry the flag for tolerance and friendship and it means that we must always remember those that fought against fascism and destruction.

I do not know a single person who did not spend a few minutes contemplating at 11am on 11 November but equally I was one of two or three in my work place who chose to wear a poppy. We even had someone appear of national TV not wearing a poppy because they had made a personal choice not to.

My poppy was a poppy that I have had for several years now and I wear it as an act of remembrance. I do not wear it to appease the people who say that we are disrespecting the war dead if we don’t.

The England football team have played nine friendlies in 11 years on remembrance weekend for the first time people decided that England HAD to wear poppies on their shirts.

FIFA rules said we weren’t allowed to so David Cameron went on another populist mission to try and get the poppy on the shirt. Thankfully he failed but they did agree a compromise of having it on an armband.

If anyone thinks that this is anything but a foolish choice really hasn’t given it any due consideration. The same people did not fight for the Iranian women’s football team right to wear headscarves and I bet that the same people would protest madly if the Afghanistan or Iraq football teams wanted a symbol of remembrance for their war dead.

I think that the British Legion lost control of their brand and I think, whatever their financial gains this year, that they have done immeasurable damage to their future.

Eight years ago I went to France and Belgium on a college English trip. We were studying the poets of World War One and what better place to do it than where those men fought, wrote and fell?

Two things stood out for me on the trip, leaving out for decencies sake the debauchery the comes from putting five boys with twenty girls and a lot of booze in a youth hostel in France, the first was the grave of the youngest known soldier to have died in that war and the other was meeting a group of people from Newfoundland in Canada.

The soldier who died was 14.

He died in the trenches, he died amongst all the god forsaken madness that went on. I don’t know what happened to him, if his body was even under where the tombstone lay but I do know that he shouldn’t have been there. He wouldn’t have even been old enough to fight when the war finished, never mind when it started.

The innocence of a generation, the innocence of all generations died with that boy.

The group of people we met from Newfoundland were all girls and in the truest traditions of Canadian women, they were all beautiful, intelligent and incredibly articulate. They took us on a tour of a battlefield at Beaumont Hamel at the Somme and a scene of such horrors combined with so much pride for those who had been sent into battle.

A day later we went on another expedition, this time to the Menin Gate in Ypres, where we ran into the Newfies once again. Every night people turn up there to honour the people that fought in the war and they were singing the Canadian national anthem, in line with this tradition. I stood listening and openly wept as the song echoed off the stone walls with my head hung. I am a proud Englishman and as such I have so much respect to those who can so wonderfully represent their country. These young people made their country proud.

After the ceremony I talked to them again and they talked, with tears in their eyes, so eloquently of their reasons for taking the trip. They loved history, their country and teaching others but they wanted to pay their respects and that was most evident.

What showed more respect, travelling halfway around the world to sing at a memorial to the fallen or to troll the internet abusing people for not having a picture of a poppy on their twitter?

Next year, wear your poppy with pride but equally respect others decisions not to. It doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten, it just means they chose not to wear one.

Friday, 8 July 2011

Glastonbury - Part 3

I went to Glastonbury pretty unprepared. When you speak to people who have been to Glastonbury, a glazed over look comes across their face and they will talk for so long without making any real point at all. I am a bit too practical and so I wish to offer a few tips on what happened whilst there, what I observed and how I prepared.

My top ten not so alternative or cool tips to festivals

1.       Take appropriate clothing - Are you really dedicated enough to looking cool that you will wear something so wholly inappropriate but fashionable that you will end up hiding in portaloo’s to escape the rain? They smell you know, it lingers and it will help you get laid as much as looking like a rat who stayed aboard the Titanic will.

I took: A hoodie, four t-shirts, a pair of trousers, pair of jeans, pair of shorts, six pairs of boxers, six pairs of socks and a waterproof coat.


2.       Take appropriate camping gear – I took a blow up mattress to Glastonbury and it saved me from inevitable back pain and sleepless nights. I did however forget to take a pillow and paid dear for it. It may be a pain in the arse carrying camping equipment but it is an even bigger pain in the arse having a pain in the arse.

I took: A pop-up tent, a blow up mattress, a sleeping bag.

3.       Be honest with yourself – If you know you don’t like something, don’t do it. I am not a huge fan of dance/nightclub music and as such, I didn’t attend any of the light night venues which played that type of music. It did mean that some nights me and my friends separated but we all had a good time in our own ways. There is so much to do at festivals and in particular at Glastonbury, that I genuinely believe the cliché, that there is something for everyone. To extend on this point though, you don’t have to do anything you don’t agree with. I don’t do drugs and as such, I didn’t partake. Get into the spirit but don’t compromise what you believe or you’ll not enjoy the festival.

4.       Take an appropriate amount of money – I took some alcohol with me to try and save money over the weekend and although good in theory, you are out of your tent for so long in a day that you will have little desire to carry it around and your tent is often too far away to bother going back for it. I took about three cans of cider out with me and a few cereal bars to have a nibble on and then bought alcohol and food as required. Glastonbury was relatively well priced and living in London, I even found it cheap in some areas.

I took: 12 cans of cider, 8 cans of whiskey/coke, £40 in cash and my debit card of which I withdrew £200.

5.       If you want to see a band, see them – You will always regret not seeing someone you want to see no matter how popular and ‘uncool’ they may be. It’s great to go off and watch unknown acts but if you really want to see someone, even if they are on the main stage, then see them.

6.       Leave your inhibitions at the door – Whatever they are, leave them behind. People really don’t care what you look like, what clothes you are wearing or anything like that. They care that you’re a genuine, honest, fun and friendly person. Unfortunately nothing else will do! I guarantee that if you are all of the four mentioned above, you will make friends and stretch yourself beyond what you ever thought you could do and come home a happier and more rounded person for it.


7.       Look after your possessions – I took a bum bag...not cool (see point 6) but it made me feel safe and therefore more relaxed and comfortable. I had my wallet, phone, camera and notepad in there and I was more than happy. Most other things you can replace at the festival but it would be very difficult to access cash or a phone without your cards.

8.       Live for the moment – You will have so many moments where you will know that when people think of Glastonbury, they will think of that time. You will cry with the sheer joy of existence, so embrace it. Mine were as I walked across a muddy field watching Mumford and Sons in the pouring rain and laughing until I cried because I was there, I was fucking there and no one could ever take it away from me. Also, when I looked out over Glastonbury from whilst Beyonce belted out her first number, I knew that I didn’t ever want to leave. You will have your moments, live them.

9.       Be kind to others – A stranger helped my girlfriend out of the mud when both of her wellies got stuck, that was very kind and in return we helped a child who got stuck in the mud and lost their wellies. We carried him to his parents and someone brought the wellies. It’s that whole what goes around comes around thing.

10.   Take clothes for the way home – You won’t win any prizes for being the smelliest person on a train/coach. You certainly won’t want to be sat in soaking wet clothes as you make the long journey back to wherever you have come from. It’s not cool to not take enough clothes. It’s NOT!

Friday, 1 July 2011

Glastonbury part 2

As a disclaimer I must say that all the acts I saw at Glastonbury, even the ones that I didn’t think much of, so very obviously put their hearts and souls into performing on, what for many, will be the biggest stage of their careers. Each performance, bar one, was an absolute pleasure because they all contributed, bar one, into making an incredible event out of this world.
I’m only writing a short paragraph on each because I didn’t note down set lists, I observed as a fan and so would like to give you that little bit so you can decide whether to rush out and buy their album, go see them live or forget that they ever existed.

Thursday
Ledfoot, Bourbon Street stage - http://www.myspace.com/ledfootblues
He could have slipped into the Rolling Stones in appearance and a good old fashioned mastery of the blues. He talked about his ex-wives and children a lot as justification to keep on gigging but you could tell from the way he played that he loved to be on the road. On the cusp of being a real old blues man and if you see his name on a gig listing, worth a punt on a ticket.
Rhythm Waves, Blazing Saddles stage
A lovely Gaelic band who despite a minimal crowd, threw some enchanting little tracks into the sunny skies above Somerset.
Sandi Thom, Bourbon Street stage - http://www.sandithom.com/
I thought I knew what I was going to get. The woman most famous for being born too late and having flowers in her hair pulled off a majestic set in front of a crowd that gradually grew wilder for her. As she played, I watched and knew that I had made a mistake when over-looking this artist in the past. She finished with a haunting rendition of House of the Rising Sun and is most certainly worth the entrance fee (and cost of the new album) when she plays near you.

Friday
Metronomy, Pyramid stage - http://www.metronomy.co.uk/
You couldn’t find a much more suitable band to really kick off a glorious festival like Glastonbury. They are tuneful, have incredible beats and they are four very talented young musicians. In the perfect world, there would have been more sun but despite this, they most certainly are the band of the English Rivera. They even cracked out a recorder at one point. A must see for genuine music lovers and to be frank, I’m disappointed in myself that I hadn’t heard much of them before.
Two Door Cinema Club, Pyramid stage - http://twodoorcinemaclub.com/
The lead singer may look like my friend Rosie (and La Roux) but they certainly know how to play a perfectly rehearsed and positively bouncing indie-pop set. They were fun, vibrant but I would love to see them let loose and go wild. I’d certainly see them again and their album is most likely going to be a must for this summer.
The Inbredz, Bandstand - http://www.myspace.com/inbredz
An incredible comedy rap act that I stumbled across while moving between the Pyramid and Other stages. They had everybody in the audience moving despite the rain and a personal highlight was seeing two women who would make my grandmother look young, dancing to a song about masturbation in their sleep. Totally worth seeing if they play near you.
The Vaccines, Other stage – http://www.thevaccines.co.uk/
Much like Two Door Cinema Club, The Vaccines are a very well rehearsed, and undoubtedly very talented, indie-pop band. Their album is called, ‘What did you expect from The Vaccines?’ I expected what I got and wasn’t disappointed.  Another album to carry you through a fun summer time.
Guillemots, Oxleys in the West - http://www.guillemots.com
To me, they have always been one of the best bands playing the live circuit and in a low key acoustic set in a stage in the dance field, they did not let me down. As always emotive and beautiful and despite standing on tiptoes in the rain, they were as always, worth it.
The Wombats, Other stage - http://www.thewombats.co.uk/
The Wombats bands have always been a fun and emotive group who consistently strike a chord with their audiences. They wore all white despite the downpour and they provided some light relief to many who were starting wane. They belted out their hits and played some interesting, if not wholly original new material which seemed to capture the crowd’s imagination. I’d always recommend seeing this band and buying their albums.
Bright Eyes, Other stage - http://www.conoroberst.com/
What can I say? Bright Eyes have produced some of the greatest lyrics ever written and they were sung by enigmatic, if not a tad drunk, front man Conor Oberst, who has an incredibly powerful voice. They were everything and more than I expected and in hindsight, the five years it took for me to see this band seems like nothing compared to the time I will have the memories. Buy their whole back catalogue.
Radiohead, Park stage - http://www.radiohead.com/
If I’m honest, I am not a massive fan but I enjoyed what I watched of their ‘surprise’ (yes, everybody knew and that spoilt it as it was massively overcrowded) show on the park stage. They played their new album from beginning to end by all accounts but the rain drove me off the hill I was perched on to see them, so I cannot confirm this.
Mumford and Sons, Other stage - http://www.mumfordandsons.com/
I cried as I listened because walking in the mud, holding hands with someone you love and listening to some of the greatest folk/pop songs of this generation of London artists, is magical and deserved my happy tears. Their new stuff is sublime and I can’t wait for the next album and they play their old stuff with passion. You can see how much they love what they do and the whole crowd loved them back equally.
U2, Pyramid stage - http://www.u2.com
They played all of their hits, they had a man speak to them from outer space and every move Bono made was captured on the big screen like he was the star of a feature film. There is an old Chinese proverb that says: “You never know just quite how many U2 songs you actually know until you’re in a field in the pissing rain dancing and singing to them.” It’s true. They are masters of their craft and all their experience on the big stage showed.

Saturday
Dr Brian Cox and Robin Ince
I went to a recording of a radio4 show in the cabaret tent that featured the incredibly intelligent and good looking Dr Brian Cox and the comedian Robin Ince, as well as special guests including Billy Bragg and Graham Coxon. They discussed mythical versus rational in regards Glastonbury and they kept a full house entertained for a good hour. It was great value for my time and proved to me that I am a fool for not listening to more radio4.
Yuck, John Peel stage - http://www.myspace.com/yuckband
Although undoubtedly talented, I thought they were trying a bit too hard to look like rock stars. I couldn’t tell if the bassist was awake and the impression was to me and those I spoke to was that they appeared to be acting like they were a main stage band in waiting rather than grasping the opportunity in front of them. Despite that, an excellent band and I’m sure their album will be spectacular.
Jessie J, Other stage - http://jessiejofficial.com/
This ‘artist’ was so awful and seemingly arrogant that I joined the legions who left after one song.
Tinie Tempah, Pyramid stage - http://www.tinietempah.com/
This man rocked the house down. He is one of the most exciting artists that I have seen in a long time. I confess, I did not like his album at first listen but after seeing him perform, I will be giving it another go. He had such vibrancy that he made a good 40,000 bounce at his command. A true star in the making and I hope a headliner one day.
Jimmy Eat World, Other stage - http://www.jimmyeatworld.com/
I think I have the same complaint that everybody does about this band, it can get a bit samey. They were excellent at what they did but I felt they did what they did over and over in a similar fashion. I’d buy the album before I saw them again but as a support act for someone great, they’d do well.
Friendly Fires, Other stage - http://www.wearefriendlyfires.com/
They are a vibrant and skilled indie/electro pop band who performed a set that had everybody (except me who had put my back out a bit and had to sit on a blanket throughout most of the set but not through choice) bouncing. I’d love to see them again when I could be part of the action.
Elbow, Pyramid stage - http://www.elbow.co.uk/
This was a performance that will go down in the history of Glastonbury, Elbow were just incredible. No hyperbole is enough to explain how they made the crowd feel and everybody on site was singing, ‘Pull those curtains wide, a day like this a year will see me right’ for the rest of the festival. You have to see them, you have to buy their albums.
Coldplay, Pyramid stage - http://www.coldplay.com/
They were not what I expected, perhaps because like many I expected a drab, tuneful but otherwise slow performance and I am happy to say I was foolishly wrong. They set the stage on fire and sent out hundreds of giant balloons into a crowd that they had in the palm of their Oxfam key messages scrawled hands.

Sunday
Louise and the Pins, Avalon stage - http://www.myspace.com/louiseandthepins
This band produced music of such quality and beauty that it is easy to see why people like Martha Wainwright are queuing up to record with them. An unknown quantity too many but they will surely soon be a must have in any music fans record collection. Impeccably dressed and with excellent supporting musicians, this band have to have a massive future otherwise I fear for the music industry. Go see them ASAP.
Kitty, Daisy and Lewis, Avalon stage - http://kittydaisyandlewis.com/
A telling point was that the compare announced them as the hottest new band of the year, but I can recall them being around for at least five years. I don’t know whether that is a sign of bad management or bad PR but the band themselves certainly played with experience, verve and in a dynamic fashion not expected of a trio (supported by their parents) in their mid to late teens. All three of the named members were skilled on the whole spectrum of instruments that were on stage and they were a pleasure to watch. A hidden gem who hopefully won’t be hidden much longer.
The Wombles, Avalon stage
Although I only stayed for one song (Remember you’re a womble) this band of children’s entertainers were certainly much more value than some of the other bands at the festival. The butt of a very poor PR gaffe by Michael Eavis, they had a point to prove and they did.
Laura Marling, Pyramid stage - http://www.lauramarling.com/
She is so obviously talented and a song writer beyond her years but I am afraid that her lack of stage presence and big stage experience massively let her down. An excited crowd drifted and sadly many lost interest. She is incredible live and in an environment more suited to her and her albums are masterpieces.
Paul Simon, Pyramid stage - http://www.paulsimon.com/
His set appeared lacklustre throughout and left many disappointed until the last few songs when he played tracks from his Graceland album. I genuinely got the impression he wasn’t that fussed about being there until he came on for an encore to play ‘Call me Al’ and the crowd went wild. He then seemed to perk up and it made you think, why not to a set of crowd pleasers and actually enjoy yourself?
Plan B, Pyramid stage - http://www.time4planb.co.uk/
This is the set that disappointed me most throughout the whole weekend. The stage was too big, his voice showed its frailties and despite insisting on playing his second album front to end, he missed out two tracks to play them as encores and this immediately put the crowds backs up. If you’re doing a narrative performance, don’t move things around. He lacks the experience to dominate a huge stage like Elbow, Coldplay and U2 showed that they could. I would love to see him somewhere more intimate though, to let him prove me wrong.
Pendulum, Pyramid stage - http://www.pendulum.com/
I listened to these guys from my tent that overlooked the pyramid arena and they were absolutely mental. They had some amazing tracks and if my legs hadn’t been keen to drop off at this point, I would have loved to have been down there.
Beyonce, Pyramid stage - http://www.beyonceonline.com/
This girl knocked it OUT OF THE PARK! She did it and she did it in her first song. I was a sceptic and then I was converted. This performance will go down in history as one of the reasons that Glastonbury is what it is. A true surprise, a truly spectacular show and I am so glad that I wasn’t stupid enough to miss it. She was the only way to end a magical festival.

Now I am sure that throughout this I have upset some of you, remember though that these are my opinions and I am sure you have yours. If you write them, I will read them. If you comment I will reply. I have said what I believe and have linked every artist I could find links for so you can discover them for yourselves.
Discovering new music is an amazing thing to do, so pick one of the above and try them.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Glastonbury Part 1

My Glastonbury blog will be split into four parts:
1. An introduction
2. A review of every act I saw
3. My Glastonbury do’s/don’ts
4. Chankers


The majority of my adventures were with Emily and Rosie, @lovefromemily and @peggyatthestar respectively. I did meet some lovely folk and a special call goes out to Martin the mortician who could predict the weather to the EXACT minute that the rain would start.

Part 1 – An introduction

Before I start and everyone accuses me of not getting the vibe (man) of Glastonbury, I have to say that as an overall experience, I loved it. This love peaked while watching Beyonce on the Sunday night. Standing in front of the Pyramid stage, listening to what will undoubtedly become a seminal performance in Glastonbury history. I looked across the fields and saw a city alive with a generation of people bursting with colour and love, who were frightening the darkness of the night away with exuberance and lust for that very moment. We were the only ones truly there.

We were the only ones who lived it.

I wanted to stay, I wanted to stay forever.

Glastonbury as god is a concept that I have been playing with since my arrival on Worthy Farm on Wednesday 22 June 2011.

No one will criticise, no matter how much human waste you must crawl through to empty your cider rotted bowels, the Glasto gods know best...you only need 4,250 toilets for 200,000 people don’t you?

To begin with, here are five things I didn’t know about before popping my glastoncherry.

1. There are a LOT of traffic jams on the festival site, mainly involving tractors and lorries pulling containers of human waste (don’t walk behind them as all the ones I saw dripped).

2. By the end of the festival you will look upon someone holding a can of beer with more suspicion than you will the person rolling a spliff, popping pills or getting a line of coke together next to you while you eat.

3. Some people feel that the porch of your very modestly sized tent is the perfect location for their six person tent (for themselves because they couldn’t possibly cope with less room) and gazebo.

4. It is ideal to take your own booze as is it, as with anywhere, cheaper, but you will struggle to carry it, struggle to take it out with you every day and many of the bars are no more expensive than an average London pub.

5. No matter what your drunk girlfriend and drunk friend try to lead you to believe – Michael Eavis has NOT got giant fans with which he can blow away the clouds. If he did, he would have used them already!

So, Glastonbury festival eh? I have watched it on television since the late 90’s and every year I have envied  those who are there but like so many, I have always had my excuses at hand. Too expensive, couldn’t get there, too muddy, no acts I want to see...the list goes on and on. This year I was corralled into it and so no excuse could be forthcoming as before I knew it, my face was slapped onto a bit of paper that I would hand over to an Oxfam volunteer in exchange for a wristband that I now refuse to remove.

The weeks of preparation that I had intended, the diligent gathering of essentials, ended up with a mad dash around London the weekend before to purchase everything and a rather too loud “oh fuck” when I realised that I had forgotten my pillow whilst being driven to the coach stop.

I travelled with the Big Green Coach company who, as well as giving me a comfortable journey, are planting two trees for every coach they send to a festival this year and although I didn’t book it, by all accounts they were cheaper than other coach companies too.
http://www.biggreencoach.co.uk/index.php/musings/festivalwood

I wore my wellies to travel in, a decision well justified as we pulled up outside the festival gates. I was told that from here, it was a mere trot through the car park and then my own personal hedonistic fantasy world awaited me. The mere trot turned out to be a mile or so through a trench like car park to be greeted by what other festival goers called, ‘the only queue to get in that I have ever seen’. The queue turned out to be a pivotal time for me, as I reached the point where I would normally have got very grumpy, I began to chat to others in the line. Being hit by someone’s fold up chair (chankers – more on them later), now became a reason to talk not a reason to scowl and want to throw them in the mud. We shuffled, oh so very patiently we shuffled until we were in. Laden down with rucksacks, bags of cider and tents plus the numerous free things that are thrust upon you, the walk began the very long walk from pedestrian gate D to Kidney Mead. 

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I have a strong physical and emotional dislike of dirty public toilets. Sadly it interferes with a lot in my life as, well, human beings just seem to have very little consideration for others. When I opened the gate of my first Glastonbury long drop, I saw human faeces smeared around the seat. I turned, I wretched until my throat was sore and then went back to my tent. Filthy fuckers. Kidney Mead, for those who didn’t consult a map, was next to the family camping area and this turned out to be my saving grace. Despite there being so many children in prams at Glastonbury that you could mistake it for the Kings Road, the children seem to use toilets in a respectful manner. As such, some palatable portaloo’s for me and my cheeks to do their business.

As the final tent peg in our rapidly assembled camp was hammered into the soft Somerset mud, a woman that one would only describe as a ‘hippy’ strolled up offering valium and cider. Another side point for those who don’t know me, I work in the health sector, I have seen the damage that drugs bought over the internet and from hippies by tents can do. They are poorly manufactured and people sell them to make a profit, not because they give a toss about your health. The same goes for homeopathic medicine, a point well demonstrated by comedic pairing, Mitchell and Webb, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGIbOGu8q0 

I do believe in the power of positive thought but I don’t believe in medicines manufactured in dustbins, concrete mixers and bath tubs and I certainly don’t believe that you should stop chemotherapy to follow a homeopathic route.

A big complaint from those camped around us, besides my going off on a tangent and ranting about pills and homeopathy, was that every year more tickets are sold but no more camping space is made available. This point was made abundantly clear to me when we came back to the tent following a wander and discovered a one person tent had appeared in a gap so small that we didn’t even sit in it when we had previously assembled our tent.

Sod it came the cry, we won’t get down over cramped, unsanitary conditions...we will go and experience this wonder for what it is.

We went to the bar.

The Brothers cider bar in West Holts arena was a delight. Proper bar staff, good quality cider at decent prices (£3.50 a pint). The arena area was in a relatively good condition and so we sat down on the grass and enjoyed pints of toffee apple, lemon and festival cider and then we enjoyed some more. We enjoyed so many that when a random person walked past announcing that that had vodka jellies for sale, we jumped at the chance, three times we jumped at the chance. Solidified red paint stripper rolled down our necks and exacerbated our hunger. There was only one conclusion amongst our party, Pieminister.

A chicken of aragon with all the trimmings later and my stomach was feeling the strain. Chocker full of cider, vodka jelly and pie, we went for a stroll only to eventually head back to the tent when the skies got so black we knew that a storm would control the activities of the night.

The storm came and the storm beat us as I forgot to zip up the bottom flap of the tent.

Everything was soaked and this did make me kind of grumpy, so we dried off and went for an explore because food makes things better.

Our first port of call was the Tiny Tea Tent, it had the appearance of an old gypsy trailer but with ornate curtains draped to cover a variety of tables, chairs, sofas and a piano. They served delicious tea in homely mugs and we watched the spells of rain make the pathways thicker with stodgy brown mud. After this we went to Faryes Fare for some breakfast and after much deliberation we ordered...the only thing on the menu.

Man behind the counter: “Beans on toast, who ordered beans on toast?”

Me: “Every fucker, it’s all you have on.”

To be fair to them, their kitchen had flooded and so they couldn’t cook anything else and they were frightfully good beans on toast but the confusion on everybody’s face as “beans on toast” was shouted every ten seconds, was a site to behold.

After a real breakfast, we decided on a cider lunch and so to the Somerset Cider Bus we went. Before I carry on, please let it be known that I have managed bars, I know the rules, so don’t get sarcastic with comments. The barmaid ID’d me...I had no ID but I had a VISA card, a card that the barmaid accepted could only be issued to an over 18. I have a full beard, I look haggered and yet I was ID’d. I didn’t even mind that much but the man at the bar next to me, was smoking a spliff.

Dear Glastonbury Festival,
To ensure that all visitors to the festival have a good time please don’t employ people behind your bars who have no real grasp of working in a bar. If someone appears to be over 18 and can provide evidence that they are indeed over 18, it means that they are. Also, if they then serve someone smoking an illegal substance, then please do not let them be smug and preachy about not wanting to break the law.
All the best,
Dom

After the disappointment of the cider bus, that was never to be returned to because I refuse to do business with jobworths, we went to the craft field. This was incredibly good fun and I painted a spoon! I did, I painted a spoon. It was free to do and I believe that I made a jolly good spoon. It was multi-coloured and said ‘2011 Glasto’ on it because my gorilla like hands aren’t delicate enough to have fitted ‘2011 Glastonbury’ on a spoon. Emily made an incredibly beautiful fascinator for her hair with a very cool material vintage flower lady. I toyed with the idea of making a necklace out of cutlery but feared that I would fall and spear myself in the chest.

We went back to the West Holts area because we wanted to meet one man. One man who seemed to have all the knowledge in the world...that man was @glastowatch *WHOOP WHOOP* I hear you cry! @glastowatch , real name Lawrence (hope I spelt it correctly/remembered it correctly), made the build up to Glastonbury that little bit special. He wasn’t an official source of information but he answered questions, passed on rumours and helped people share the excitement. He was taking part in a #twisto meet up and this meant that not only did we meet a smashing chap, we also got a fair few free pint vouchers courtesy of Brothers.
I then went to see a few bands with Emily (which will feature in part 2) and then via a lovely cuppa and flapjack at The Tea Shop bus, we went to meet Rosie in the Park.

The Park is as close of an equivalent to what I imagine parts of Paris would have been at the turn of the last century, circa Moulin Rouge. It screamed hedonism, the colours were an explosion and each sense was aroused as I dragged my already sorry and aching body through the mud. I looked in awe at the sand sculptures, the silent disco and the vibrant, florescent watch tower that stands over the Park. Glastonbury is spelt out, like the Hollywood sign, in multi-coloured letters on a hill overlooking this part of the festival, it really set it off.

We all sat in one of the park bars and drank our cider, made jokes and new friends and then undertook, what was now becoming quite customary, the long walk back to the tent in the cold, wet mud.

Monday, 2 May 2011

Istanbul - A city of two continents

This article was first published on the website of the BBC show, By Any Means, in 2008.


Where Asia meets Europe, Istanbul has been the epicenter for cultural integration for two thousand years. The fourth largest city in the world with a population of just over eleven million, Istanbul is an ideal stepping stone for those looking to ease themselves into Eastern culture. The people compliment the surroundings and there is a generosity of beauty seen in few other places. As the French poet Alphonse de Lamartine once said, “If one had but a single glance to give the world, one should gaze on Istanbul.”


Though a predominantly Muslim country, contemporary Turkey has a cafe culture that mirrors its Mediterranean neighbours with rows of coffee shops with boys and girls laden in sunglasses and designer clothes smoking water pipes. The aroma of the different flavoured tobaccos used to smoke is a refreshing change to the pollution that engulfs you throughout the city. Apple tobacco is the easiest on the lungs and is always found to be the most fragrant. Find a spot in a rooftop cafe, many hostels in Istanbul offer this, get your hookah, order your tobacco and watch the sun set over the Sea of Marmara.  


Daytime hookah in the overly competitive environment of backgammon game can be taken in at the Nargile Cafe just off from Taksin Square in the European part of the city. Taksin Square is the location of the main New Year’s celebration in Istanbul and with Beyoglu next to it, offering a more contemporary Istanbul that thrives on art. The Pera Museum offers a permanent collection of work from the Ottoman period and hosts spectacular temporary exhibits ranging from Rembrandt to Constable. The Dogancay Museum in the area is a must see, though established as a showroom for only a single artist there is now a floor solely offering his father’s work to accompany it. Beware though, Beyoglu for all its artisan vibe is predominately controlled by the Islamic AK Party so an amount of conservatism and restraint is always appreciated in the area.

 
Islamic control of Turkey doesn’t mean a disregard to people wanting to indulge in the odd alcoholic beverage. In every city, in every country, in every continent across the world...there lies an Irish bar waiting for unsuspecting Americans who think they’re Irish,  British travellers too scared to experience the real country and stag weekends. The James Joyce Irish bar caters for all of the above but most feel that travelling would be a far more worthwhile experience if the above listed just didn’t bother.


Experience of the East has shown that you should put some faith in the internet, guidebooks and reviews from other travellers when deciding where to stay, as wandering the streets and staying somewhere you imagine Jim Hendrix would have slept can get tedious and is too hit and miss for most. You don’t lose any kudos by sleeping in one of the many adequate hostels and you don’t have to pick cockroaches out of your ears when you wake up. Stay in the Sultanahmet district of the city, it lies on the coast and offers the best opportunity absorb a plethora of colours and shapes only Istanbul can offer.


The district offers you easy access to many of the sights that make Istanbul the destination of choice for visitors the world over regardless of creed or religion. Never, ever forget though that when entering a Mosque you should remove your shoes and whatever your views on the hijab, if you are a woman make sure you cover your shoulders, legs and arms as well as remembering to take a scarf with you wherever you go, and men should wear loose trousers and a shirt so you can move freely through religious monuments. The Blue Mosque, named so because of the blue tiles that cover its floors is one of Istanbul’s main tourist attractions but for those who veer away from the mainstream, don’t. For this is a building many find unmatchable throughout the world for its aesthetics.


The mother of all architecture to be found in Istanbul is the Ayasofya, located on the edge of the Sultanahmet district. Originally built as a Christian Church it was converted into a Mosque over 500 years ago. The epic stature of the building can keep you occupied for hours but if you get a chance see if you can find what is thought to be Turkeys oldest example of Viking graffiti tagging, somewhere on the Ayasofya is inscrolled, ‘Halvdan was here’ in runes. Tour guides estimate that this graffiti was carved sometime in the 9th Century. You wonder how the Ottoman Empire coped with this type of blatant vandalism? It begs the question just how many ASBO’s did the Turks serve before those pesky Vikings stopped writing all over their religious monuments?


Waking up is often a forced activity in Istanbul. Ear plugs will drown out the sound of loudspeakers calling people for Morning Prayer but it can also be a sign that you’ve all ready began to waste away your day if you aren’t up with the locals. Breakfast will not be a complicated affair, yogurt, cheese, bread and cha but enjoy it as the traffic within Istanbul means you will be rushing nowhere unless you walk it.


The first thing you notice when you arrive in Istanbul is the choking car fumes and the fact that whether you’re a smoker or not you will second hand smoke at least twenty cigarettes a day. Every traveller no matter of sex will need to take several...dozen handipacks of wet wipes, firstly to keep you cool in the heat and secondly to make sure you can get car exhaust fumes from every crack and pore of your face at the end of the day. For those of a more health conscious persuasion an old wife once said, to alleviate the negative effects of passive smoking, eat a clove of garlic a day to help clear the lungs. Bottles of mineral water are essential to a happy and diarrhoea free trip to Turkey. Say no to ice cubes in your drinks, don’t buy bottled water with no seal and boil anything from the tap before you drink it. All very general and obvious tips for anywhere but nevertheless worth the thirty seconds it took to write down. After all it is you who will blame everyone else but yourself if you get the runs and no one wants to be regaled with stories of an ailing traveler’s bowel.


You will be offered tea wherever you go. A simple, pleasurable sugary version of what comes in a bag in the west. It also offers you an original and exceptionally tasting present for all those waiting for you at home, go to a tea shop and buy packets of crystallised tea. Crystallised is recommended for several reasons, it tastes better, it keeps longer and it will stop any awkward conversations if you carry several bags of suspicious smelling green leaves through customs. When you sit in a tea house your cup will be filled and filled no matter how many times you shake your head in refusal, so to stop this, place your teaspoon upside down on top of your cup. Many a traveller has developed a bad case of full bladders before realising this locals trick, also many have been seen to look in confusion at an array of teaspoons resting on the top of glass mugs.


The Grand Bazaar is a shopping experience beyond all others and found a short walk from the Blue Mosque. Home to twenty five thousand workers, three hundred thousand visitors a day and an almost infinite avenue of stalls that change shape everyday as each stall holder bustles for prime points of sale. Be aware of quality standards but never be afraid to haggle if you really want something. No one will sell below what they can afford so never think you’re ripping them off. If you want to bring a tea set home the locals, well not the market workers, but anyone else will recommend buying one at a supermarket as they are of a level of quality you cannot guarantee finding on the market and at an affordable price. Visit Eminönü where you will find the flower market and the spice market where you can buy all the spices needed to impress your friends at dinner parties on your return. When in any Bazaar arrange to meet the people you’re with at an outside point at a set time as the intricate pathways of the bazaar means you will lose everyone you’re with.


As with all major cities, Istanbul only offers an insight into Turkish culture. Istanbul serves as a gateway from West to East, but beyond here lays Turkey’s capital city, Ankara and a thousand years of history that has conspired to make the world what it is today. Nearly a hundred years has passed since the fall of the Ottoman Empire and the birth of a united Turkey, it is time to explore Turkey and to stop feeling threatened by a lack of understanding of its two continental ties and embrace walking out of a Mosque and drinking a nice cup of tea.


The Good: Eminönü, the Spice Bazaar, the only place in the world to buy Turkish Delight. Those not fans of rose flavoured candy can feast their noses and tongues on a variety of delicacies. For those not a fan of shopping take a riverboat down the Bosporus that sails on the crack of Europe and Asia, excellent views and the thrill of drifting between continents in a matter of minutes.


The Bad: Tension between Muslims and the Christian and Jewish population can make walking around the city a traumatic affair should you wander into unknown territory. It also makes finding a good pork butcher a devastatingly barren endeavour.


The Ugly: Beware bad quality gifts you buy at the Bazaar’s just to feel like you’ve ‘experienced’ Turkey that break upon your return home. People appreciate quality above where you bought it as you can visit the bazaars anyway, instead look to the teashops for better quality gifts.




France travel guide

This article was first published in The Independent travel section in June 2008
 

You have 1,500 km to drive in three days, but even with this strict timescale you still have time to show your children a sample of the finest the French have to offer. With only 117 km to the French border you can point out the distant mountain tops of the Pyrenees as you pass but I would recommend not stopping until you reach the village of Labouheyre in the Landes region of Southwest France. A family stopping point beyond reproach, especially if you remember to bring along a picnic, located on the border of Parc Naturel Régional des Landes de Gascogne it is still close to the main road to Bordeaux so as not to disrupt your journey.

You will reach Bordeaux an hour after leaving Labouheyre and this is where you have to make some tough decisions. Wine or Brandy? Staying in Bordeaux overnight will offer you the chance to discover a town listed as a World Heritage Site in 2007 and the opportunity to sample the wines that have long since made Bordeaux a household name. If you are in the mood for extravagance, and why ever not you are in Bordeaux after all, then enjoy Café Maritime (0033 05 57 10 20 40; www.cafemaritime.com) in the Quai Armand Lalande for around €20 (£16.67) per person. For a more family orientated price range you should consider, La Remise (0033 5 56 48 20 01) at €13 (£10.84) per head. Both restaurants offer an expansive wine range by the glass and bottle and are a mere stones throw from the Garonne River. If you choose to bed down in Bordeaux for the evening, Hôtel de la Presse offers double rooms starting at €50(41.67) including breakfast. If you want to press on then Cognac, your next destination is only 134km up the road.

If your children are of the nautical disposition, then maybe choose brandy over wine and follow the coast from Bordeaux 100 km until you reach Le Verdon-Sur-Mer where you can cross the Gironde Estuary on a ferry to Royan where on the half hour journey your children will see the oldest working lighthouse in Europe, Cordouan lighthouse, as recommended by the French Tourist Board (09068 244 123; uk.franceguide.com/). Once you depart the ferry Cognac is 65km due east and will take about an hour to travel to. Stay in the Hôtel Cheval Blanc (0033 05 45 82 09 55; www.hotel-chevalblanc.fr) from €52(£43.4) for a double room per night, it is a short walk to the La Charente river and close to the Jardin Public and the town centre shops, bars and restaurants. As is the general theme for this road trip, L’etage (0033 05 45 82 07 03; www.express-etage.com) offers the decadence at a budget that France so readily offers in this region. Should the time be available to you, then you can visit the houses of Martell, Hennessy and Remy Martin amongst others and tours of the Hennessy distillery are priced from €9(£7.50) in late August.

Leaving Cognac, head North West to Les Sables D’olonne where you will find eleven kilometers of beachfront that is less tourist orientated than the Ile de Re coast a hundred kilometers south. With high tide before 10am and after 4pm this town makes for a splendorous lunch stop where the children can enjoy the beaches with the aid of a volleyball and a dish of fresh Breton seafood at L’Oceane (0033 02 51 21 16 88) and with a price range of between €15-20 (£12.50-17) it is reasonable enough so you can resist sitting on the dock with your fishing rod and a disposable barbeque.

After lunch a leisurely one and a half hour drive North-east to Angers will leave you with time to spend an afternoon and evening experiencing a glistening pearl of western France. Overlooked by the Chateau d’Angers, where the Duke of Wellington trained before defeating Napoleon at Waterloo, Angers is a university town thus the lifestyle is very youth orientated making it suitable for your children. At the Chateau you can see the largest collection of medieval tapestries in the world and wander around the walls of a castle to have proudly never fallen to any invading force.

Continuing the parental pleasure aspect of the trip, why not visit the Distillerie Cointreau, which lies just off the Angers ring road and offers tours in English every hour for €5.50(£4.60) or relax a little and check into Univers Angers (bedandbreakfast-directory.co.uk) in the town centre from €55(£45.90) a night plus €9(£7.5) for an extra bed. Early evening could see you take a stroll around the Jardin des Plantes, Angers former botanical gardens and full of exotic plants or visit Cathédrale Saint-Maurice d'Angers and if you get time, La Maison d’Adam. In the evening try Caveau, with its cave like ceilings and rounded tables it is bordering on the traditional but without the stuffy airs and graces often associated with French cuisine and with prices starting at €12(£10) a head or alternatively La Ferme offers a four course dinner for €17(14.20) excluding drinks. On a full stomach walk back to your hotel, staying as always to the main streets for safety and sleep, for tomorrow the final leg is 500km.

From Angers you will arrive at Rouen, on the banks of the River Seine. On the drive you may see points of interest regarding both World Wars as this region of Normandy was significant in both allied and French resistance struggle against the Nazi’s. The port town of Rouen hosts an annual Armada which sees the worlds most impressive shipping vessels descend on this tiny stretch of the river. In late August it is my suggested stopping point midway through your journey, not too large to be disruptive on time but with a wide enough selection of café’s that you can find a lunch for three for under €15(£12.50). If you have time see the Tour de Beurre (Butter tower), named so because during lent in Medieval times, phesants used to pay to use butter instead of giving it up and this funds were used to build the tower. It served as a muse for Monet and the astronomical clock on Gros Horloge street and dates back to the 15th century.

Two hundred kilometers North-East takes you to Calais, your final destination. France is more than Paris, vineyards and the expensive south; it is a country where each village or country town offers their own produce whether it be sausage, cheese or liquor. Never be afraid to stop when driving through France because the worse that will happen is you discover a flavour you will only deplore the supermarkets for not stocking when you get home.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

When depression is a show of strength

About a year ago, Shortlist journalist, Andrew Dickens, wrote a feature documenting his fall into and subsequent rise from the disease, depression. In response to this I wrote to Andrew thanking him for so publically outing himself and told him in very genuine sentiment that he will save lives with the article.

I used to work for an NHS trust and during my time there worked on a campaign with a cognitive therapy centre aimed at people suffering from depression and other mental health issues. Unfortunately during this time I was diagnosed as suffering from bi-polar disorder myself and ended up attending cognitive therapy sessions at the centre that I was paid to promote.

In the small town where I lived people tended to stigmatise mental health, seeing it as a failure and an inability to cope with certain situations. For this reason, I felt too ashamed to tell anyone about what was happening to me. This is a view that many who I spoke to regarded as a ‘small town’ issue and for a while I did too.

Just recently, on Radio 5 Live, Geoffrey Boycott dismissed Michael Yarde’s withdrawal from the England Cricket World Cup squad as ‘weak’ after he admitted to suffering from depression. It was insinuated that his standard of bowling was the cause of his depression.

In 2011, should people have to really out themselves as suffering from a disease? There is no shame in suffering from what one in four of the British population suffers with at some point in their lives.

Depression not only affects your emotions, it can affect your physical health too. Can a sports person at the highest level suffering from this disease not still perform at the top of their game?

One in four people experience mental health problems in any one year and with depression and anxiety being the most widespread conditions, Chief Executive of the Mental Health Foundation, Dr Andrew McCulloch, believes, “People in the public eye speaking out about their experiences with depression can really help reduce the stigma around the condition and raise awareness of the symptoms and different treatments available. However, this is reliant on the media covering the issue in an informed and balanced way.

“Being dismissive of the condition or of any one person’s experiences with it can have the opposite effect, fuelling discrimination and discouraging people in need from seeking help, for fear that they too may be treated dismissively.”

In 2009, German footballer Robert Enke tragically committed suicide after battling depression for six years. The stigma caused by suffering from this disease meant that he didn’t admit to his illness. After his death, his wife Teresa Enke said: “He didn't want it to come out because of fear. He was scared of losing Leila.”[1]

Athletes are not invincible and neither is the person on the street. Both are equally susceptible to falling ill and both can face a struggle to find the light at the other end.

Sussex’s Professional Cricket Manager Mark Robinson said, “Sussex are very proud of Michael Yardy and very supportive of his decision, not only to come home but also to be prepared to go public with the reasons.”[2]

Michael Yardy will arrive back in England to plaudits for his strength and now with the support of his family, friends and his club, it is hoped that he will recover.

Andrew Dickens and Michael Yardy are both proof that there is no shame in suffering from depression. If only I – just as thousands of other men out there who were too ashamed to talk about their illness - had realised that when I was going through my illness, things could have been very different.

Depressed sports personalities

Robert Enke, footballer, Hannover 96/Germany – Suffered from depression for six years and committed suicide by walking in front of a train in 2009.

Marcus Trescothick, cricketer, Somerset/England – Cricketer who suffered from depression and withdraw from the England squad during a tour of India in 2006.

Shaun Tait, cricketer, Surrey/Australia – In 2008 took an indefinite break from cricket citing physical and emotional exhaustion.

Monica Seles, tennis player – Fell into a bout of depression after being stabbed while playing a tennis match in 1993.


[1] http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/internationals/8353733.stm
[2] http://www.sussexcricket.co.uk/news/2665/michael-yardy/
                                                                        




Addition - 02/04/2011


In response to Geffory Boycott's comments, the BBC had the following statement to make:

We raised your concerns about Geoffrey Boycott’s comment with the BBC Radio 5 Live production team and they replied as follows:

“Geoffrey’s comments might have seemed unsympathetic but certainly weren’t meant to be. Geoffrey is employed as a cricket expert and explained on air that he had no knowledge of the illness Michael Yardy is suffering from and therefore focussed on his cricket ability alone.”